konglish lesson

korean's say the darndest things! english is a strange language in that there is no "right or wrong" style. what i mean is, american english and british english are obviously pretty different, but they are both "correct." i can't say that a brit is wrong because they have a ridiculous word for cigarette. and i can't bemoan a scotsman for whatever it is they're saying. they're speaking english, is the general point i'm trying to make here, same as me, but not. and korea, strange land that it is, has their own unique spin on the english language as well. they call it konglish (korean + english don't ya know). some of the terms are endearing in their cuteness. some just make you wonder. but its still english, and whether or not that makes it a great language, or the best language, i can't decide, but its pretty remarkable anyways. so here are some pretty common examples of konglish:

air con - no, its not referring to the movie con air, just in the wrong order. i was disappointed too. it's just an air conditioning unit. apparently this is common in other parts of the world as well (nowhere i'd want to live though, god damn heathens!).

ball pen -like where the pitcher stands on the baseball field, right? wrong again, idiot! a ballpoint pen. that extra word in there just messes them up i guess. might as well get rid of it.

combi - i had to look this up because i wasn't exactly sure, but it just means combination. like a number 2 value meal at mcdonalds. although i think more common these days is just calling the thing a 'set.' which makes me realize that i usually just call everything a 'value meal' which is kind of like calling all soft drinks 'coke', which i also do.

cider - speaking of coke, cider is the word for soft drinks. the most popular being chilsung cider which tastes like sprite. at least its still describing a drink?

dessert - boy was this a disappointment the first time i experienced it. many places offer free dessert as part of their meal. "alright!" im thinking, "free ice cream!" but no. free coffee. free tea. dessert is a bitter beverage in this country, often served cold, literally and metaphorically.

dutch pay - in other words, 'going dutch.' splitting the bill.

eye shopping - you know, for when you need that new glass eye for the one you've been missing ever since that accident in shop class. actually, eye shopping is window shopping. because you're just looking. so you're using your eye. get it?

fighting! - beat the shit out of that guy! i think this originates from japan. its kind of like their rally cry. double weird is its usually pronounced 'whiting' because of some weird replacement of the /f/ sound with /wh/. for the longest time i thought they were just saying 'white team!' which didn't always make sense...

gagman - that guy in the office who makes you want to puke. i kid! which makes me a gagman! or a comedian, if you're american.

handphone - hand-uh pone! a cell phone. because its a phone that fits in your hand. as opposed to normal phones...?

ice bar - another one where its like..this could be anything. is it a luxury bar made entirely of ice? is it like a gold bar, just made of ice instead of gold? is it a mixed martial arts suppression move? well you're all wrong! its a popsicle. a stupid ole popsicle.

klaxon - i had to ask my coteachers if this was actually real because...i mean what's a klaxon? but i guess you brits out there already know because its apparently an english word for car horn. not my english!

light coke - diet coke. pretty obvious.

macguyver knife - hands down the best one. apparently macguyver was hugely popular in the 80's, even in korea. so much so that they started naming multi-purpose utility knives (aka. swiss army knives) after him. i will try my hardest to popularize this in the western world.

name card- hello, my name is ________. is your name 'wrong'? because that's what you are. name card isn't something you put on your shirt, it goes in your wallet. its a business card.

oil bank - so cute. an oil bank is a gas station, which i guess makes sense if you see a bank as some kind of magic money factory where you just withdraw money that materializes from nowhere. unfortunately it also has to be deposited by you as well, which is where this metaphor runs a little short. still, adorable.

one plus one - its one plus one sale! buy one get one free!

one shot - how many bullets it takes to put down that dog you're fixin to eat for dinner. just kiddin! how horribly stereotypical can i possibly be in one post? to be fair, the practice of eating dog is not very popular in korea. my friends (korean!) girlfriend actually forbade him to try it. i think there's even an law where a restaurant can't outright say "dog food" - it has to be like "vegetable stew (with dog meat)." anyways, one shot is like saying 'bottoms up!' and is usually in reference to the 10th straight shot of soju you have in your hand.

pocket ball - i guess other people call pool, or billiards, pocket ball. i am not one of them, but i'm coming around to it.

rinse - what you do after washing, right? so when you wash your hair, you use shampoo. but what do you do after you wash your hair? condition! so...after washing...you rinse...you condition...rinse...condition...rinse...you got it! rinse is conditioner.

service - servis-uh. like fixing your car? or an action somebody does for someone else? mass held for the dearly departed? well would you believe a free bottle of coke is service? anything extra that you receive for free is service. so little side-dishes with your meal. that cup of coffee after dinner. an extra smaller bag of detergent that is taped to your larger jug of detergent. or stranger, that tony the tiger laundry basket that comes with your box of frosted flakes. service.

same same - i will be saying this for years after korea. its like saying 'same' but instead of saying it once you say it twice. its like saying the word 'two' twice because thats what the word means, you're saying the word same twice because the second word is the same as the first. so you're literally comparing both words as you're saying them. that baby dog and that puppy over there? oh, yeah, they're 'same same.' oh yes, but kyle teacher, what if you say "my head hurts" or "i have a headache"? yes, very good, same same.

stand - i can't do it anymore. these damn koreans are driving me insane! just kidding. they're great. except when it comes to describing lighting fixtures. apparently what everyone else in the english speaking world knows as a lamp is called a stand in korea. well i won't stand for it! hah!

sharp - as in, be careful, because my wit is so sharp it cuts diamonds. no, not really. i mean my wit is pretty sharp, but that's not what it means. sharp is a mechanical pencil. so called i guess because they always have a point as long as there is lead, but the tip is never really sharp. its pretty blunt actually. so, i don't know korea. we are just going to have to see things differently on this one.

talent - actors and actresses. who said koreans don't know sarcasm? (koreans did)

white - the desired skin color. when is a joke not a joke? white is white out, they just whited out the out. heh.

y-shirt - because i guess its one of those no shoes, no shirt, no service places? why not is the better question. a y-shirt is just a button-up collared shirt. because with the collar it makes a y at the top. its not completely ridiculous i guess, but it seems like it was created with the same thought process as a 3 year old's deductive reasoning. its smelly and its invisible comes from my butt so im going to call it the smelly butt ghost. sorry junior, but those are called farts, and that nice business shirt you're farting on is called a button-up, not a y-shirt. dumdum.

but seriously, its all english. i make fun because i find it endearing and fun, not because i hate. if i'm constantly saying these when i return to the states i apologize. ive been indoctrinated. or reprogrammed. same same.